Things I shouldn’t have to say, but I guess I do:

(This is an online version of a sign I have posted in my car. The physical version includes a QR code that links here. See the introduction to these pages and also about ordering a ride.)

  • BEHAVE YOURSELVES! This is my car, not yours. You are paying for a ride, not for something or someone to be abused. I am hoping I don’t have to enforce this.
  • Yes, it’s been hard to get an Uber or Lyft lately, particularly in outlying areas. The companies are gouging you, the passengers, while cutting already-low driver pay drastically.
  • Any rating less than five stars is a statement that the driver should be fired, but says nothing about these historically unprofitable companies’ failures to attract, retain, or adequately compensate competent drivers.
  • Absolutely NO EATING, SMOKING, or VAPING in the car. And take your trash with you. Other people will be riding after you; keep it clean.
  • You are responsible for your child’s behavior.
  • RESPECT HUMAN BEINGS. Hate speech includes derogatory terms for any identity (race, gender, etc.), including identities you share.
  • I am NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST PROPERTY. Multiple calls at odd hours will not improve the probability that I’ll find it. Because Uber support is useless, I may turn recognized valuables in at a local police station.
  • By default, I use Apple Maps or Google Maps, which are supposed to offer the fastest route for navigation TO A SPECIFIC DESTINATION. If you want to deviate from that route, be prepared to provide turn by turn directions. I do seek to avoid potholes, brick streets, and cobblestone streets, because I’d like for this car to last a while.
  • Gig work is already marginal and I DO NOT NEED MORE DANGER IN MY LIFE. That you may be running late does not make it safe to violate traffic laws, nor does it mean that I will be able to recover any fines or other increased costs from you.
  • DO NOT EXPECT ME TO DO UNSAFE THINGS. My driving style is an attempt at compromise between traffic law and what other drivers will tolerate. Their road rage is one of many hazards I navigate.
  • No, this is absolutely NOT what I want to be doing with my Ph.D., but the job market has functions other than matching people with jobs, including ensuring that some are trapped in long-term unemployment or underemployment. Social inequality serves a purpose: Poverty and unemployment weaken workers’ bargaining positions and thus undermine wages and working conditions.